Angst and Longing

I'm restless again.

I taped a map of the United States to my wall and threw an X-acto knife at it. (We have no darts) It landed at the intersection of routes 200 and 59 near Jordan, Montana. I looked up some factoids about the town.

I feel stagnant. Sure I'm doing a lot of things (House, garden, van, carpentry), but it all seems so stale at the moment. I've been very depressed for the past year, off and on. It seems like lately no matter what I do, I'm never happy. I used to be so perky! What happened?

I was rooting around in my room today when I found a letter I had written to myself 3 years ago. It was kinda nice being so young. All of the money I earned was my own. If I wanted something, I bought or did it. I was richer then than I am now, even though I make more money. I saved enough money to build a house, for crying out loud! Nowdays I'm trying to save for an addition so I can have a real bed and bathroom, but all my money gets spent before I even see it. Time to go marry some loaded old guy who has heart problems.

Mr. X isn't old or loaded, and he's in great shape. (You should see the pictures of his chest...) He's part of the many reasons why I'm restless. He's outdoorsy, has a killer wit, and is probably one of the nicest people you'll ever meet. He's one of those people you could easily talk to for days on end with if you were stuck together in a tiny tent in the middle of a snowstorm. I find myself falling for him more every day. But he lives more than 8 hours away. Grrrrr!

I guess my underlying problem is I know my life has enormous potential, and I'm not living it to the fullest. I know I'm going through an angst-ridden phase that most people experience and that it makes life a lot better in the long run once things get figured out, but dangit, it still sucks at the moment.

I'm also being forced to grow up now that we have Sam living with us. I can't be the baby and have mom pay attention to only me anymore. I actually have to share. The horror of it all...

Another thing that's bothering me, (Hey, I'm on a roll!) is the fact that I'm wicked out of shape. Last year at this time, I was in the best shape of my life. When I woke up today after the weekend of backpacking, I was creaky. Creaky, dammit! I wasn't able to spring out of bed. I was actually sore. The highest milage I did in one day was 16.7 . Last year I did 38 and hardly even felt it.

As long as I'm talking numbers, I'll also confess...I hit over 200 pounds this year. I'm going to blame it on being at Job Corps and sitting on my butt all winter. I went to a Doctor appointment with mom the other day, and I'm only down to 192. I never ever pay attention to my weight, but that freaked me out.

Hmm, lessee if I have anything else to complain about... Hmmm, nothing that I can think of. I feel much better now. :-)

Other pictures

If you scroll down to October 11th, 12th and 13th on my Long Trail journals and pics page, you can see pictures of things I experienced this past weekend. The beaver pond with autumn colors is the same one that looks so green in the recent pic.

Long Trail Pics

How could you resist a trail called Wampahoofus?

Pictures From My Backpacking Trip This Weekend

Me on top of Mount Mansfield


Taft Lodge, where I stayed last night


People hiking over Mount Mansfield


Foliage around a beaver pond in the rain


Dusk comes over the mountains


What I take backpacking. The red thing is my sleeping bag, the black thing next to it is my shelter.


Beaver Pond

Where Is Heather???

Heather and Sam enjoying a COLD swim in Cranberry Meadow Pond


Are you strung out....waiting for a personal letter or blog update? Well, Heather is off hiking the Long Trail for a few days. This has been posted by Wendy-mom :-)

Moose Cheese

Did you know it takes up to two hours to milk a moose? Here's a farm in Sweden that makes moose cheese:

Moose Cheese

I wonder what it tastes like?

Slowly erroding hoodoos

Chunk of petrified wood

Valley filled with Hoodoos

Painting and other new things

Today marks the day of finally getting everything in my house primed at least once. Woohoo! I need to do some touch ups tomorrow, then I'm all systems go for the colors.

I've been busy out working in the garden. We hardly grew anything last year due to Mom being sick and me doing other things, and it made the beds quickly become overgrown. It's been a veritable war getting rid of the mugwort, witchgrass, and even the trees that have grown up in the middle of the raised beds. Some of the beds haven't been turned over in at least 3 years. They're a real joy to work on. :-)

The tomato plants have little fruit on them already, and the peppers are looking pepper-like. Pretty soon it will be time to pick the garlic scapes and fry them in some oil.

I'd like the garden to look decent at least by the end of the summer. :-) I weedwacked around the blueberry bushes two days ago. It looks to be a bumper crop this year. Mmmmmmmm. One of my favorite summer treats is frozen blueberries.

I haven't been working on my van lately. The manual I have is great for explaining how to do things, as long as you know what car parts are named, or roughly where they're located. To replace my belts, I need to locate the nut on the alternator. I don't know what an alternator does, let alone where it is on my car. Baby steps. Must take lots of baby steps, and eventually, I'll get there. :-) I still haven't changed a tire by myself...

Once I replace the belts and hoses and do a few simple other things, I'm taking it in to get inspected. If it needs brake work, I'm going to let the garage do it - as long as they let me scoot under the chassis so I can watch.

A Trio Of Pictures

Tree trunk against the sky


Tree Frog with suction cup feet


Bryce Canyon Hoodoo Spires

Heather's Hair

Mohawk


Devil Horns


I finally got the camera card to cough up its pictures from our trip home from Arizona. Woohoo! Within the next day or so I'll get them all posted.

The pics above are proof of what my hair does when I don't wash it for a few days. These were taken somewhere between Colorado and Kansas. I tried to go into stores looking like this, but mom squished my hair flat just as we went in the doors. I got a lot of interesting looks while zipping down the freeway.

Gone Swimming

I took Sam for a swim yesterday at the pond across the street. On the way, we saw lots of butterflies:



We've never seen another person at the pond. We know the owners swim in it though, because every time we go, the trampoline is moved to a different spot on the dock.

Clergy

Speaking of religion...one day when I was bored, I became an Ordained Clergy Person. I just couldn't pass up the "Ordain Me" button.

Spiritual Humanism

Religion

I came across an entertaining religion website. The article that caught my eye had this quote from a Minister advising young brides:

At this point, dear reader, let me concede one shocking truth. Some young women actually anticipate the wedding night ordeal with curiosity and pleasure! Beware such an attitude! A selfish and sensual husband can easily take advantage of such a bride. One cardinal rule of marriage should never be forgotten: GIVE LITTLE, GIVE SELDOM, AND ABOVE ALL, GIVE GRUDGINGLY. Otherwise what could have been a proper marriage could become an orgy of sexual lust.
http://www.libchrist.com/bible/1894.html


We're supposed to be visited by the Mormon missionaries tomorrow. I just found a Mormon guide on how not to masturbate. My favorite suggested technique?:

Be outgoing and friendly. Force yourself to be with others and learn to enjoy working and talking to them. Use principles of developing friendships found in books such as _How to Win Friends and Influence People_ by Dale Carnegie.

http://www.libchrist.com/bible/mormonmasturbation.html

I'm so happy!

Yay! I changed the battery cables in my van from one style to another, and didn't hurt myself. A miracle! :-)

They're now the kind that screw into the side of the battery, rather than the kind where you slide clamps over the top posts.

My hoses are supposed to come in on Monday. I hope the weather holds long enough for me to install them and the two belts. Oooh, this is so exciting!

Heather's Destruction

I've been tearing apart my house for fun and excitement.

Since the foundation is still so new, it's in the settling down phase. This winter the settling created small cracking where my sheetrock seams are. I slathered on some paint stripper, scraped the paint and majority of the joint mud off, then sanded it nice and smooth. Soon I'll reapply the joint tape and slap on some new mud.

After getting everything gussied back up, I'm painting it again. Time for new colors! Mr. X suggested I toss a bunch of crayons into a bag and pick one. I wonder how often paint stores get customers who bring in crayons as a color sample?

I talked to our local Wal-Mart about it. They have this cool machine that digitally reads the color of whatever object you bring in, then tells which colors to use and in what proportions.

Sunday is my favorite day to work on my house. All of the radio stations play different styles of music and I can play it as loud as I want. NPR plays polka. Yay!

Goings on

I woke up at 5am today to the sound of what I thought was mom pushing the intercom beep button. I stumbled out of bed and almost fell off the loft before I realized it was just the mourning doves outside my window.

Mom, Sam and I packed up early and went to Barre for the annual kids fishing derby. Sam got four nibbles, but no fish.




Only a few kids reeled in fish but everybody went away with a prize.






Sam was the kid from furthest away, so she got the first choice of prizes. She picked out a nifty net.

On our way home we stopped at a few garage sales. I stayed for more than an hour to talk to a guy at one of them. We went upstairs to check out the farm website and for him to show me his. Turns out he had already been to the farm years before!

When he asked me out, I pulled up my boyfriend application and jokingly told him he had to fill it out first. When I got home an hour later, it was already waiting for me. He's the first applicant to actually fill out the references form. He deserves some gold stars just for that. :-)

Sam wore the new dress-up clothes she got at a sale today to bike across the street and go swimming.



When we got to the pond, she did some posing.



I did some posing of my own.

Sheets covering seedlings

I covered these up last night. I haven't uncovered them this morning because it's still in the 30's. Brrrrr!!

My van

It's really hard to kill somebody when you're a carpenter. It takes gross incompetence to build something so bad that it threatens to fall down and squish the inhabitants. Mechanics, on the other hand ... If you leave one clamp undone, the hose could come off, spew burning hot radiator fluid everywhere, get stuck in the fan belt, jam everything and cause your engine to explode. Or something like that.

I'm taking baby steps in getting to know my van. I don't want to make a mistake and end up killing myself. When I told mom this last night, her comforting words to me were along the line of;

"Don't worry, it takes a lot to kill somebody in a car. Why, once I was driving around Syracuse New York, when my entire trans axle abruptly fell out and hit the pavement. Turns out the mechanic had left every bolt but one undone. What I found so amazing was how cheap it was to fix it, considering what a major thing it was"

Gotta love my mom's advice. Like when I called her from the Long Trail to say I had been shot at, and she told me not to worry, because she had been shot at while hiking lots of times and is still here. :-)

I spent a couple of hours tinkering under the hood and getting to know what all the parts are named. I found out I have a v8 350 engine with a turbo hydramatic transmission. I even found my power steering dipstick after a lot of searching. I have to put my entire arm down between the radiator and the frame to get to it.

When I called the parts store today to inquire about prices, he couldn't believe I had a 1975. He kept asking me to repeat the year. It should cost me under $100 to get all new belts, hoses and screw clamps. The hoses all seem to come off easily, but darned if I know how to take off and reinstall any of the belts.

I bought a new battery but have to install new battery cables first. I want to upgrade them into screw-in terminals instead of posts.

So much work to do, so little time! It's pretty cool to finally be learning mechanics. :-)

Pictures!

I broke down and bought a photo editing program. Hopefully the computer won't eat it. :-)

The program came with a 258 page instruction book. It's going to take a while to learn it! The first two pictures came out good:





And of course, the cleavage shot:

Woohoo!

I got my paws on a picture of Mr X. My jaw dropped to the floor when I saw it. He's got a really, really, really nice chest! Pardon me while I drool.

Sam and I went swimming in the pond across the street earlier today. She had seen Mr. X's picture and thought it would be funny to take some cleavage shots of myself to send to him.

Since I have no naturally occuring cleavage, the photo shoot was... interesting :-) It's amazing what a well placed halter top can do! Sam thought it was the funniest thing she had seen in a long time. She kept directing me into optimum cleavage poses.

When she was done with that, I took some goofy pictures of us together. I'll post the good ones later tonight.

Our computer has been going on a file deletion rampage. It won't install any new programs, and it won't let us open or reinstall old ones. Our photo editing program went AWOL so I tried downloading a temporary one. The computer ate it. I'm about ready to spring for the $100 kind of photo program you buy at Staples ... not the cheap, easily coruptable kind you get bundled with other software. Staples is open until 9pm...Where's my credit card? Until I can fix the computer or get a new program, you don't get to see any more pictures.

In other news, Mr. X has a really nice chest. :-)

What I've been doing

The garden is really starting to come together! I've been working on it almost nonstop for the past week. I haven't even been coming in at night - I pitched my tent between the raised beds and have been sleeping out there. It keeps the deer from eating all of our tender seedlings.

Yesterday almost broke heat records. Our thermometer said it was 91! Zeke and I took a break to go jump in the lake.

Lots of interesting things have happened lately but I can't get my brain to properly coagulate and form them into the appropriate words. I'm a bit fried.

Heather's World Cast Of Characters

I recently received a letter from a woman in Norway. It made me realize that some people reading my blog might have no idea who some of the people I'm talking about are. Below is a list of names and short descriptions of said persons. I hope it makes everything easier to understand!


Wendy
In addition to having the illustrious job of being my Mom, Wendy is a talented chef, gardener, and maker of "Heather's To-Do" Lists.


Peter
A carpenter by day, a teller of far-fetched trivia by night. He's not my biological dad, but he and Mom have been together for 17 years.


Sam
Also goes by the name Samantha and Kidface. She's my 9 year old cousin from Arizona who's staying with us for the summer. Her mom is my Aunt Liz, and has a younger sister Charlotte and dad Eric.


Mr. X / Big Daddy
I couldn't decide which code name to use, as they both make me smile. This is the guy I like, and think should be prohibited from wearing a shirt in my presence.


Zeke
The adorable family pet. He's a certified service dog who helps my mom Wendy get around. He likes long walks, leftovers, and chewing on stuffed animals and boxes.

The Evil One
Its real name is Indy. She's a tuxedo cat who enjoys chasing the nice kitty, eating mice, and acting like a fool under the influence of catnip.


The Nice Kitty
Aleka is a pudgy orange furball who adores belly rubs, sunny windowsills, and the warm spot on top of the computer monitor.

Projects

Mom turned to me and asked, "So, when are you going to finish your kayak so we can go do fun things with it?"

I replied, "I dunno...I'm trying to keep it to just one project at a time"

Mom and Peter looked at each other, then started snorting and laughing hysterically.

"Which project is that...the fixing your van? Siding your house? Revarnishing your kayak? Working in the garden? Sanding the seams and repainting your house? Earning money as a carpenter? "

Maybe they have a point. I still think variety is the spice of life.

Short article on Perfectionism

I always think of this story when I'm at an ATM.

April in Maple Corner

The picture is of our neighbor skiing off his house roof a couple of Aprils ago. It wasn't that many days ago that we still had snow here. Some years we've had 5 feet of snow until the 1st week of May.

Everybody in town agrees that the grass this year has grown the fastest they can ever remember it. It's taking over!

The weather was very bipolar today. One moment the sun shone and the birds sang - the next, roiling black thunderclouds slid over our mountain range and pelted everything below in rain and pea sized hail.

I weeded some more tires and put bucket loads of compost in them during the sunny breaks. When it rained, I helped mom clean out the greenhouse.

I puttered around in my van after supper. I'm slowly evicting all of Peters stuff that found a home there while we were gone. I want to tidy the place up and get everything set to go for the big day when I finally get it on the road.

I'm going to put together a small scrapbook to keep in the van, showing its progress from rusty pile of metal in the midst of weeds, to the glorious red adventure mobile it is today.

I found my little smiley face antenna topper and stuck it back on. The foot shaped gas pedal is just itching to get used. The disco ball is around here somewhere...

Woohoo!

I just got off the phone with our car insurance agent about adding me to the policy. The original quote was $735.08 a year.

If I complete a month long safe driving program offered by the company, it gets lowered to $630. If I'm a student with a B average, it comes out to $570. If I cough up half of the yearly amount all at once, they take $18 off. Now to just find the money to pay both the insurance AND the car repairs. :-)

I called up a couple of fix-it places yesterday. For a complete tune-up, totally new brakes (Shoes, rotors, etc), totally new exhaust system, transmission flush and all new belts and hoses, it comes to $1250. Hopefully I won't really need all of that.

When I called the DMV to find out what registration would cost me and told him what year it was, he gasped "1975! Wow." He couldn't even find a listing for that model year van. It'll probably be around $80 though.

It's going to be fun to finally have my own car. I can become a workaholic carpenter! I can go camping on a whim! I can start acting mature and responsible! Uhhhh...maybe not that last one.

Interesting Factoids

Mom sent me a forwarded email. I just had to share it. :-)


Did You Know...

If you yelled for 8 years, 7 months and 6 days you would have produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it.)


If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it!)


The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(O.M.G.!)


A A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life, I want to be a pig.)


A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it starves to death. (Creepy.)
(I'm still not over the pig.)


Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home. Maybe at work.)


The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the....?!")


The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human jumping the length of a football field.

(30 minutes... lucky pig. Can you imagine??)


The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What could be so tasty on the bottom of a pond?)


Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life...quality over quantity)


Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know.)


The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)


Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than left-handed people.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)


Elephants are the only animals that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....................)


A cat's urine glows under a black light.
I wonder who was paid to figure that out?)


An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)


Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)


Polar bears are left-handed.
(If they switch, they'll live a lot longer.)


Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for pleasure.
(What about that pig??)


Watch your thoughts; they become words.
Watch your words; they become actions.
Watch your actions; they become habits.
Watch your habits; they become character.
Watch your character; it becomes your destiny.
--Frank Outlaw

Random things about Heather

The clouds exited stage right and made way for glorious blue skies today. I savored the unexpected good weather and cleared 6 more beds and a bunch of tires.

Mom went in to have her blood transfusion today. She said she'd call me right back the last time we talked, so I hung up and waited. When I answered the phone, I did so by saying "Hello..." In a sultry voice. The guy on the other end of the line stammered. I had to quickly explain I was expecting somebody else. That sounded bad, so I explained that it was my mother I was expecting. That sounded horrible! The only thing that would have made it worse is if the guy I have a crush on had been the one calling.

occasionally I'll answer the phone, "Satan speaking, who in Hell do you want?" or "Heather's mortuary, you stab 'em we slab 'em". It weeds out the people with no sense of humor. It's a good first step for people who're calling about being farm apprentices. It's a bad sign if they don't laugh.


Because I have nothing else of note to talk about tonight, I figured I'd list some random things about myself. Nothing like blatant narcissism. :-)

Random things you may not have known about Heather:

1. I had never eaten a corn dog until May of this year.
2. My initials are HAM.
3. I'm addicted to chocolate with orange rind and spices in it.
4. I know how to knit.
5. My favorite book of all-time is "Even Cowgirls Get The Blues" By Tom Robbins.
6. I'm an Ordained Clergy Person.
7. My favorite song is "The Obvious Child" By Paul Simon.
8. I harbor a fantasy of Harvard University giving me totally free tuition, books, and an expense account to go on trips with.
9. I don't talk much in real life.
10. I feel like I haven't done much with my life yet.

What's New

I have written exactly 3 letters since getting home. I'm going a lot slower than I thought. Please don't think I've abandoned you!

Yesterday I became a crispy critter from erradicating weeds and prepping the beds for the third straight day. I thought I had tanned enough in AZ to prevent burning. Nope. OWW.

Mom went in to the hospital to have her blood typed and matched for a blood transfusion in the next few days. She's so anemic that they need to siphon in a couple of bags of packed cells to get her up to par.

While we were out, we picked up a bunch of really nice looking seedlings for the garden. Mom is being very generous with my money, now that I have my own credit card... :-)

Time to be bad and charge some car repairs on my card so I can become a workaholic with a full time job! I have yet to price parts for the things I think I can do myself, and the cost of labor for those more difficult things. I'm guessing labor for what I need done will run about $500.

Time to become a tycoon. Maybe Sam and I can start a killer lemonade stand. Even better, we could become like Homer Simpson and start selling Tomaccos! (Tomatoes with Tobacco genes in them) Billing them as organic Tomaccos could boost the price nicely. Get your daily servings of vegetables and an organic high at the same time!

I think we'll do pretty well until the health department and ATF shut us down. Eww, speaking of health department...they just published all of the scores for resturaunts in Central VT in the paper. It's always the fast food places that have the lowest scores. I'm lovin' it.

Embarassing Mother

I came in for supper to find out my mom had emailed the guy I have a raging crush on, and asked him what he thought of me.

I leave her unsupervised, and look what she does! I think it's payback for teaching Sam to ask her if she feels like she has hives...and if she's shifted her paradigm lately. (My mother hates the word paradigm.)

I'm going back outside until I'm not as bright a shade of red. :-)

National Trails Day

Saddleback Summit in Maine


Saturday June 5th is National Trails Day! Check out the website below for fun things to do in your state.

American Hiking Society

I'm hoping to spend the day working on a trail with the Green Mountain Club. I want to use a pulaski. It's my favorite trail tool.:-)

Gardening with a vengence

Runaway Grass


I've been gardening with a vengence since coming home. The grass is taking over the place! It was already knee high in places when we arrived. Some of it is already belly button height.

I bought a weedwacker in order to find the garden. Four hours later, I uncovered about 1/4 of it. I was even out there past 9 pm, weed wacking with my headlamp on.

I've cleaned out 13 beds and a couple of tires so far. Some of the beds are pretty weed intensive...I spent more than an hour and a half on one of them. Gotta love witchgrass :-)Tomorrow is more of the same. I'm trying to get as much as possible prepped so mom can go out there and plant while I'm at work.

Admission

Ok, I finally admit it. The alligator was dead when I took its picture. If you go to my profile and click "View Full Size" you can see the hole that goes right through its head. (I airbrushed it out when I first put it on the website)

I was dike walking in Florida when I stumbled across the dead gator. Lacking anything better to do, I picked it up and took some pictures. My step-grandmother (the nice one) freaked out when she saw the picture of me biting it. I had her convinced it was actually alive. Heh heh heh :-)

Scary politics

I'v been working out in the garden this weekend to get it all ready for planting. I's nice to have more than one sunny day in a row!

I just came onlnine to check my mil when I found this scary article: http://www.congress.org/congressorg/issues/alert/?alertid=5834001&content_dir=ua_congressorg


Pending Draft Legislation Targeted for Spring 2005
The Draft will Start in June 2005

There is pending legislation in the House and Senate (twin bills: S 89 and HR 163) which will time the program's initiation so the draft can begin at early as Spring 2005 -- just after the 2004 presidential election. The administration is quietly trying to get these bills passed now, while the public's attention is on the elections, so our action on this is needed immediately.

$28 million has been added to the 2004 Selective Service System (SSS) budget to prepare for a military draft that could start as early as June 15, 2005. Selective Service must report to Bush on March 31, 2005 that the system, which has lain dormant for decades, is ready for activation. Please see website: www.sss.gov/perfplan_fy2004.html to view the sss annual performance plan - fiscal year 2004.

The pentagon has quietly begun a public campaign to fill all 10,350 draft board positions and 11,070 appeals board slots nationwide.. Though this is an unpopular election year topic, military experts and influential members of congress are suggesting that if Rumsfeld's prediction of a "long, hard slog" in Iraq and Afghanistan [and a permanent state of war on "terrorism"] proves accurate, the U.S. may have no choice but to draft.

Congress brought twin bills, S. 89 and HR 163 forward this year, http://www.hslda.org/legislation/na...s89/default.asp entitled the Universal National Service Act of 2003, "to provide for the common defense by requiring that all young persons [age 18--26] in the United States, including women, perform a period of military service or a period of civilian service in furtherance of the national defense and homeland security, and for other purposes." These active bills currently sit in the committee on armed services.

Dodging the draft will be more difficult than those from the Vietnam era.

College and Canada will not be options. In December 2001, Canada and the U.S. signed a "smart border declaration," which could be used to keep would-be draft dodgers in. Signed by Canada's minister of foreign affairs, John Manley, and U.S. Homeland Security director, Tom Ridge, the declaration involves a 30-point plan which implements, among other things, a "pre-clearance agreement" of people entering and departing each country. Reforms aimed at making the draft more equitable along gender and class lines also eliminates higher education as a shelter. Underclassmen would only be able to postpone service until the end of their current semester. Seniors would have until the end of the academic year.

Even those voters who currently support US actions abroad may still object to this move, knowing their own children or grandchildren will not have a say about whether to fight. Not that it should make a difference, but this plan, among other things, eliminates higher education as a
shelter and includes women in the draft.

The public has a right to air their opinions about such an important decision.

Please send this on to all the friends, parents, aunts and uncles, grandparents, and cousins that you know. Let your children know too -- it's their future, and they can be a powerful voice for change!

Please also contact your representatives to ask them why they aren't telling their constituents about these bills -- and contact newspapers and other media outlets to ask them why they're not covering this important story.

I'm baaaaack!

It's good to be back! We got home about a week ago. Shortly thereafter, the modem decided to take a hike. Last night at 1:30am, I had an AHA! moment. I finally figured out how to make it work. We were all going batty without internet access - especially me, because I knew I had some good emails. :-)

So many interesting things to talk about! I'll fill you in tomorrow when I'm more coherent. I'll also write all those backlogged emails.

Testing new feature

Testing Blogspot's new photo program. This is my cat Aleka, asleep in the window in the computer room. 

In Colorado

Hi from Gunnison, Colorado!

I'm sitting at the library waiting for 3:30 to roll around. We have an appointment for the van to get its brakes fixed. Yesterday we were driving down I-70 when we heard an awful CLUNK! We figure some important part of the brakes must have fallen off, because ever since then, there's this horrible grinding noise whenever mom steps on them. It also sounds like a nest of mice have taken residence in the brake housing. Squeak squeak squeak!

Mom had decided a few days earlier that she wants my van when we get back home. Maybe this van caught wind of it and is protesting...

We should be home in a week or so. I may have to get a library card at this place if the repair takes a while. :-) Currently I'm betting the repair bill will be 261.53, mom says 150, and Sam says 200. It's a good thing I recently got my own credit card!

Anyhoo, the scenery has been beautiful. We've been to Bryce, Zion, Grand Canyon, Black Canyon Of The Gunnison, Curecanti, Colorado National Monument, Capitol Reef, and a few others. It's actually the cheapest way to travel, since mom gets a 50% discount on camping fees in the National Park System.

If you're legally disabled, you can get a Golden Access passport. It entitles you to free entrance to all units in the National Park system (388+) and half price camping.

If you're over the age of 62, you're entitled to a $10. Golden Age passport, which entitles you just to the free entrance.

If you're neither, you can buy a Park Pass for $50, which entitles you to free entrance.

Swing

I'm typing this while listening to Sing, Sing, Sing preformed by the Boston Pops. If you don't bounce along to the song, you must be dead. I'm such a sucker for it. :-)

I'm back to being my usual perky self. I know that we're going far, far away from here soon! Tomorrow by noon is the plan.

Today was the last day of our sale. Towards the end of the day, mom made a sign "Buy the tables and everything on them for $75. We want to go back to Vermont!" One of our regular customers came back and actually bought everything! Yippie!!!!

We've only been here 2 months but we already know most of the neighbors. There are some awfully nice people around these parts.

I went to borrow a square drive screwdriver bit from the guy across the street tonight. When we went into his garage to look for one, there was my ultimate dream car. It was a RED 1950 Chevy pick up truck, with curvy wheelwells and running boards. It's in excellent condition. I positively drooled.

Joe and I spent a long time poking underneath the hood. I sat in the cab for awhile and fiddled with all of the cool knobs and buttons. I unerved him when I laid on my back and scooted underneath to get a better look at the chassis.

Joe's brother is the one who actually owns the truck. He's put about $4,600 into it, including the purchase price. When I asked the brother if he'd ever sell it to me, he said he'd let it go for $5,000. Ooooooh, if only I had that much money :-) I would have bought it in a second!

I must stop drooling now.

Anyhoo, no idea when we'll be back in Vermont. Mom wants to visit a couple of the National Parks we haven't explored much in, like Zion. The last time we were in Zion, it was 118 degrees. Our car didn't have air conditioning. We skedaddled pretty quick!

More interesting things - last night I called Job Corps. It was so nice to talk to my roomate Sarah, good friend Patrick, and the cute R.A., John. :-) Mark was also in the office, so I got to congratulate him on getting his diploma. Way to go Mark!

Another vote for being a carpenter again came in today. It amuses me that there were so few (4) people who voted for me to get a boyfriend. I guess with all of the no-holds-barred blogging I've been doing lately, it scared you all. :-)

Speaking of blogging, I found a fascinating blog yesterday. It's the journal of a porno store clerk. It was featured on National Public Radio a while back Porno Blog

The end is near!

Yippie! I can see the light at the end of the tunnel! We're planning to get the heck out of dodge (Concho, AZ) tomorrow or the next day.

We'll be shlepping my 9 year old cousin Samantha back to Vermont with us. You can read about her on my moms blog. I'll no longer be an only child, but I think I can cope for the couple of months she'll be with us...

It'll be fun to have somebody to do things with! We can go to the circus, run around playing dress-up, go swimming at the local holes, tear down our road on our bikes, etc etc. I'll also finally have somebody to lay the blame on when I do something bad. Telling mom the dog did it just hasn't been working lately... :-)

I'm cleaning out my room for her to have and finally moving into my own house. How adult of me! It's been a long time coming.

The poll results have shown that an overwhelming majority of you guys want me to go back to work as a carpenter and get the van running. (I'll post the numbers when I find them again) The plan then is to buckle up my toolbelt and work my butt off. I want enough money to get my van in tip top shape and insured (<$2,000), sock away enough for taxes ($2,000) and save up for my 5,000+ mile hike ($6,000 or so).

Off to pack!

Going Home

We've held an indoor sale for the past two days to get enough money to go home on. Everything in this house now sports a price sticker. We try to sell it even if it is nailed down.

Today we sold the flagpole out front, some shelves that were screwed to the wall, and shutters from the window, among other things.

Today I made an almond cake with cream cheese frosting. I had my aunt bring over the beaters for the cream cheese because we had sold all of the utensils already. I had to swipe the bundt pan from the sale table and peel off the price sticker to have something to bake it in. Upcoming meals are going to be on the creative side as we use up the last of the food in the house....

For lunch I steamed the last of the frozen tamales using crumpled up aluminum foil in place of the steamer basket. Worked good.

AOL hasn't been letting my mother or I respond to email. Pretty soon we won't even be able to look at it, because the power, internet and other things haven't been paid for this month. Anyhoo, off to bed. It's been a long day.

Screwed

My mother and I have been doing everything under the sun for my grandmother and her husband for the past 2 months.

We've gotten their financial health in order, found places for both of them to live, furnished the new apartment, held sales to clean out their old house and get them some money, put their house and car for sale, taken care of the creditors, brought everything they needed to their respective nursing homes (Suzanne's is 5 hours away), done EVERYTHING they needed and requested.

We've gone $2,000 in debt to pay for our food, gas, and other living expenses while here.

Suzanne gave us $56 for our two months of solid work. (She didn't actually give. I asked)

We have no money to get home, let alone pay off the debt we incurred while here. We've already sold most of the things in this house and deposited the money in her account. (She's already spent it by buying knick-knacks and bouncing more than $2,000 worth of checks)

We haven't even gotten a thank you. The last time we were in Mesa to move her to her apartment, she told me to go back where I came from...among other things.

If you'd like to read my mother's take on this, check her blog: Wendy's Blog

If you'd like my grandmother Suzanne Dudden Moon Lupke's side of the story, feel free to call her at her at: (480) 218-4578

She'd probably welcome the phone call. She's screwed everybody else in her entire life. Her other two kids don't speak to her, none of her church congregation has called or visited and she has no friends to speak of, because she's screwed them all at one time or another. We're just the latest people on the list.

Poisonous spider bite????

I think we are in deep trouble....this is a bad bite and the skin and tissue is starting to die!
http://journals.aol.com/wsm311/WendyUsuallyWanders/

Any ideas?????????

Blog of Note

I've been reading a Wal-Mart Blog for the past few weeks. I just checked it, and found a guest post by somebody who lives 12 miles from me. Small world. :-)

Wal-Mart Blog

I'm pro-Walmart for many reasons. I'll expound later. For now, I'm still in a funk after being royally screwed by my grandmother. Since I don't have anything nice to say, I'm keeping my mouth shut for a little while. :-)

Grumpy Heather

Hmmm, and I was holding onto the dellusion that I've only been really grumpy lately - I guess it's been a life long thing.

Suck up to Heather - Or else!

I need a nice 6-shot revolver for my idiot patrol....it would go great with my new chaps. :-)

Unschooling

While trolling through the Google answers database again, I happened upon a link to an "Unschooling School".

Sudbury School

This school encourages children to learn the same way I did while growing up - by doing what interests, instead of sitting at a desk all day. The only charge 6,000-7,000 dollars for the privilege of letting kids do what they want. :-) I wish somebody had paid me that much money!

I have a little website about my unschooling College:

Outdoor Recreation Institute Of New England (ORION)

and one about general unschooling I did growing up:

How To Unschool

They're both incomplete, but getting there...

Heather in Chaps

Yesterday I got the ultimate in cowgirl wear...a pair of thick, durable leather chaps that weigh several pounds. They're the kind that I'll have for life. To see pictures of me wearing them, go over to my mom's blog.

Will Wendy Weed Or Wander

They're soooooo nice...I've been wearing them pretty much nonstop since getting them. Have to break them in...they're quite stiff!

Google

How did I ever live without Google?

I've already borrowed and read all of the interesting books down at the local library, so I've been browsing in the Google answers section again.

Did you know that the term "Making Love" did not mean "to copulate" until the 1950's? Previous to that, the term meant "to pay amorous attention to".

Google Making Love answer

There are so many cool things in Google! Who knew that "Why does 2+2=4?" would be such a complicated answer?

2+2=4 Answer

Time to go cook supper. Maybe I'll use this recipe for dessert (also from Google):

Chocolate Chip Cookies:

Ingredients:

1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)

To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall
heat transfer coefficient of about 100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients
one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor
vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add
ingredients four, five, six, and seven until the mixture is
homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three
equal volumes of the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally,
add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant agitation. Care must
be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature rise
that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.

Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture
piece-meal on a 316SS sheet (300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a
period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first
order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once
the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a 25C heat-transfer
table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium

More Biblical facts

A lot of religions claim that they're the only true church, and that only by joining them will you get to God. I've always wondered how many religions there are in the world. I found my answer over in Google:

According to David B. Barrett, the researcher who compiles religious
population estimates for the Encyclopaedia Britannica and World
Almanac, there are about 10,000 distinct religions in the world today.

See this article:
"Researcher tabulates world's believers" by Richard N. Ostling, Associated Press,
http://www.adherents.com/misc/WCE.html

'The 2001 edition, successor to his 1983 first edition, which took a
decade to compile, identifies 10,000 distinct religions, of which 150
have 1 million or more followers. Within Christianity, he counts
33,830 denominations.
Barrett also calculates religious populations for the Encyclopedia
Britannica Book of the Year, standard estimates that are used in turn
by the World Almanac and innumerable journalists.
Such numbers are always debatable, but they're the best available.
"We don't really have any rivals," Barrett says..."
On the web site of adherents.com:
http://www.adherents.com/misc/WCE.html

Barrett's book, "World Christian Encyclopedia : A Comparative Survey
of Churches and Religions in the Modern World" is available for online
browsing using the "search inside" feature on Amazon.com:
http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/tg/detail/-/0195079639/

Biblical Stuff

I came across a fascinating thing on Google today about laws in the Bible that most people today consider passe. One chunk of it described how members of the church were supposed to act. It reminded me of Dick.

http://answers.google.com/answers/threadview?id=301661

Dick (My grandmother's husband) was a minister for most of his life. This house had hundreds of Christian books. They were all dusty and hadn't been read in years, if ever, according to my grandmother. Dick would buy them at garage sales and arrange them strategically on the shelves so people would see them and be impressed.

You'd think somebody who felt compelled to devote their life to God would also feel compelled to be a good, shining example....But he didn't at all. Dick was a raging alcoholic, abused his wife and kids, kicked out two of the kids when they were 14 years old, has repeatedly hit his own grandchildren, makes racist comments, etc etc. I've been wondering lately what sort of reception he's going to get when he dies. He's never really seemed to actually BELIEVE in God...He's admitted that part of the reason he became a minister is for the tax breaks.

I've never felt an urge to profess my beliefs, or go to church regularly so everybody would see that I was a "good Christian". I believe in God and think we have a pretty good relationship. I try to be good, I haven't killed anyone or done anything TOO horribly bad...And in return, God hasn't hit me with a bolt of lightning yet. (My mom has been struck by lightning 3 times already. Hmm, is that a sign?)

I think people take religion way too seriously. They should focus on becoming a good person, loving and helping others, judge not lest ye be judged, all that good stuff...Instead of focusing on the more arcane laws in the Bible and telling others why they'ye going to hell, to the exclusion of bettering themselves.

Public opinions

Everybody has had moments where they think nasty thoughts, while outwardly smile and nod. A lot of people are horrified when somebody actually utters the unvarnished thoughts that're dancing around in their head. Since a lot of my life is on the web, I'm reminded of people's reaction constantly.

I'm in a better mood today. You can quit sending me snide remarks in the mail. I already know I'm a spoiled brat, thank you. It reminds me of a bumper sticker ..."I may be fat, but you're ugly, and I can diet"

I told mom that if we aren't done soon here, I'm running off to join a circus, where at least things will be calmer. She's really frustrated too. The good news is, we're nearing the end. Yay! Break out the pom poms!

I've been slapping price stickers on items and setting them up on the many tables we have in the living room. We're prepping for a big, blowout indoor sale this weekend. Everything must go! It's our goal to get all of the selling/giving away by the end of next week.

I know it's the right thing to do to be here and help my grandmother out of the quagmire of horrendous choices she's made, but still I'm frustrated. I just wish she'd start living her life in a more conscious, sane manner. You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make it drink...Today she managed to bounce the same check three times. The credit union charges $28 per bounce. Lovely.

We were going to take a vacation from the craziness and go to California to attend the PCT kickoff party, but mom came down with the flu yesterday. She's been buried under 5 blankets and chattering ever since.

Anyhoo, back to work!

Poll Thus Far

The poll results thus far:

Become a carpenter again: 14
Get van running: 10
Go for a hike: 7

Everything else is under 5 votes apiece.

Write ins have included:

Go fly a kite
Go back to Job Corps
Buy a used bicycle, fix it up and go cross country, up to Washington, then across again. Take a few months to figure out what I want to do.
Post more cowgirl hat pictures
Write more van stories
Become a reporter
Start building cheap housing for low income women and children

I'm special

Google likes me. :-)

I'm one of the first of regular, non-Google employee people to test out Google's new email program. I've only used it for a few minutes, but I'm already thinking of dropping my AOL account and going exclusively Google.

Sneak Peak at Google Email

Harumph

I'm becoming depressed. It seems like I'm doing absolutely nothing useful with MY life. All I'm doing is mopping up somebody elses - somebody who's never paid attention to me, somebody who should be left to wallow in their mistakes and feel the full brunt of the consequences from making such piss-poor choices all of their life.

Money we put into her bank account from the garage sales has already been squandered on bounced check fees incurred when she made a $2,000 mistake in her checking account. How the hell can you make a $2,000 mistake? Especially when her account has been infused with unexpected money! I wish I had that much money to screw up with.

Dick is voluntarily starving himself to death now. The nurses have come to the conclusion that he's doing this because he really has nothing left to live for. His three children have yet to visit him. Only one of them has called him and she only did so twice, to bitch at the nurses. Suzanne has stopped calling as well. When we were in Phoenix to visit her, she asked us if it was alright for her to get a boyfriend ...then said, "Just kidding". She wasn't.

What am I doing here? I'm not helping my financial life being here. I'm certianly not furthering my career goals, unless those change to wanting to clean houses for a living. I'm stuck here doing meaningless work indefinately.

I have no paying job, my (nonworking) vehicle is 3,000 miles away and I have yet to do something useful for/with my life this year. On top of that, thru-hiking season has started and is bringing up painful memories of my unfulfilled hike last year.

Everybody is having more fun then me, dammit!

I need a nice cushy government job as a backcountry ranger. Just me, trail tools and lots of wide open spaces.

Tomorrow the rest of my class at Job Corps is taking the wilderness fire fighting physical to get their red cards.

Tomorrow I get to do what I've been doing for the past two months...pure, unadulterated drudgery. Even Job Corps starts to look good after this.

Cereal

Today while grocery shopping, I noticed a guy in the cereal isle. He was writing things in a fairly thick notebook. I peered over his shoulder and asked "So, what are you writing in there?"

He was an agent for General Mills and was checking to make sure this supermarket was displaying the agreed upon GM market share. His job was to count cereal box faces and write down the percentage of the market share they represent. He also checks out the frontage of other brands owned by the company, such as Betty Crocker, Yoplait and Pop Secret.

He wouldn't confess to how much GM marks up their cereals, but did let me in on other interesting information. Did you know that plain Cheerios are the best selling cereal out there? Honey nut Cheerios come in a close second.

I felt guilty picking out the Safeway brand of generic grape-nuts. When I went to get a box of Kix, his face brightened and he rummaged in his cart. He pulled out a long strip of 1$ off General Mills cereal coupons and handed them to me.

He's currently on a low carb diet and doesn't eat too much in the way of cereal. GM has come out with a low carb variety, but he says it tastes like cardboard. I looked at the ingredients - first on the list was wheat gluten. Mmmmmm, tasty.

New Poll

What should I do with my life?

Vote now!

Heather's "What should I do with my life?" poll

Sarcasm is for smart people

It takes brains to creatively warp communication for your own amusement, arrange it into something that makes sense, and enlighten others with your point of view within split seconds after hearing a comment just asking to be remarked on.

Sarcasm runs in my family. I'm used to conversations rife with gentle ribbing and double meanings. We take glee in using sarcasm to jazz up a conversation. Sometimes other people don't seem to appreciate it.

It seems the people who most dislike sarcasm are the ones who just don't get it. They know they're being made fun of, but they don't realize how. Bureaucracies especially hate it when underlings amuse themselves in this way. I'm reminded of Job Corps .... The teachers didn't appreciate my creative flair when doing reports. It's still my stance that "Looks good in ski pants" is a perfectly reasonable leadership qualification to list in a risk management plan. I'm miffed that it got crossed out with a red pen. Hmmf.

I originally created a boyfriend application out of a sarcastic remark I made to Steve. He insisted I'd need transcripts and a diploma to get anywhere in life. I told him that if paperwork was so important, I'd start requiring prospective boyfriends to fill out an application with references.

Tonight upon getting home to Concho, I revised the aforementioned application.

Hi from Heather

I didn't fall off the ends of the earth, I'm just in Phoenix. We came down here on Thursday (?) expecting to drop some stuff off for my grandmother, and then drive right back up to Concho. We're still here...

She got hauled away in an ambulance the day we brought her back to her apartment. The short story is that her doctor was (and still is) an idiot who dropped the ball. She's still alive and kicking, but is back in the hospital for a while.

Mom and I have been getting her apartment all ready for her to move in. We've got all the furniture in, her cuboards stocked, and everything looking and smelling pretty. All it needs now is her.

My only gripe while down here is that it's almost impossible to find a Cake CD. Nobody carries them! I've tried Walmart, K-mart, Target, and a really good used book store called Bookmans. Nadda. Zip. Life is rough.


Don't know how much longer we'll be down here. I'll write more when we get access tp a computer again. Currently I'm on the City of Mesa's library computer. I'm happy - I just got myself a library card. That makes the 2nd county in AZ I've gotten a card for so far. When we get back up to Concho, I'm going for a 3rd. Show-Low is in a different county...


Must go borrow books now. :-)

Heather

New News

I just came in from the back deck, where I've been lounging around in my bikini and reading Discover, Scientific American, and Countryside. Ahhhhh....after almost 2 weeks of rain and cold, it's nice to finally have sun again.

Last weekend we had my cousin Samanatha's fake 10th birthday party. Her real birthday isn't until September. There are pictures of the food over on mom's blog.

We had vanilla cake with chocolate frosting, vanilla ice cream, chips, salsa, guacamole, veggies with ranch dip, chicken fingers and some other things. After we ate, Sam and Charlotte attacked the Dora the Explorer pinata and gorged on some more candy.

After we got everybody sugared up, we drove over to Aunt Liz's property. They have two acres up behind a cinder mountain. Lots of really nice views of the valley basin surrounding them. The kids and I ran around and annoyed the adults by playing with our walkie-talkies. With all of the rain we've been having lately, the ground was quite soggy. Mud about 5" thick stuck to the soles of everyone's shoes. You should see the interior of the car...

The only bad part of the day was that it SNOWED! Ick ick ick. Luckily it didn't hang around. The tops of all of the mountains around us are now white and pretty though. The pansies and calendula out front are still perky as ever.

On Friday I got my Arizona driver's license. Yippie! It's valid until my 69th birthday. :-) I can even choose to have the same photo of my 20 yo self on there until the day I go in to renew.

Hmmm, other news ....

I traded golf clubs and bags in exchange for some horse riding lessons with a neighbor.

The lilac tree out back is starting to bloom.

Mom and I have less then $100 in credit to our names.

We're going to California soon to the kick off party for PCT hikers, and we get to see Radar!

I'm going to get a lariat and start practicing roping the dog and the bushes out back.

The librarian already knows me by name :-)

We saw a herd of elk and a posse of antelope yesterday.

Pictures

My aunt Liz and her two kids Samantha and Charlotte live about half an hour away from where we are now in Arizona. Last weekend we had a 7th birthday party for Charlotte. We made a turkey dinner with all of the trimmings, and I baked a luscious chocolate cake with fudge icing.

I put some pictures up over on mom's blog. The blonde is Charlotte, the redhead is Samantha, and the really weird looking one is my aunt Liz. :-) (Hi Liz!)

Next weekend we're having a party for Sam. Her real birthday isn't until September, but what the heck - she needs a party too!

The pictures are located HERE

Porno Versus Romance Novels

Feeling the need to zone out one night, I picked up a romance novel. It was about a woman who answered an ad in the paper from a cattle rancher looking for a wife. Basically the man didn't want intimacy, he wanted sex and somebody to cook/clean/have kids. The woman in this novel set out to change him, and ended up molding him into the perfect husband in only 100 or so pages.

The Christian Right is always in an uproar over porno. I think they should forget the porno and pay more attention to romance novels. It's romance novels, not porno, that's having a detrimental effect on the moral fabric of our society.

Think about it - romance novels encourage women to have unrealistic expectations when it comes to men. Then men in romance novels always have the perfectly sculpted bodies, are absolutely amazing in bed, either start out rich or come into money very quickly, and are molded into exactly the type of husband the woman wants, with very little effort. Romance novels encourage women to fantasize about the unattainable.

Porno is very attainable. With a fair bit of athleticism and a healthy taste for adventure, you can experience pretty much everything you see/read about in porno.

If you don't think my opinion is true, please send a male with romance-novel like attributes to me in Concho, Arizona.

Boxes

We need at least 973,125 boxes to pack up everything and sort it in this house. Yesterday I hit up the bar, grocery store, liquor store and the Family Dollar for boxes. I completely stuffed the back of the SUV with flattened boxes. We now have enough to last us through the weekend.

We'll be having a yard sale this weekend if it isn't too windy out, so I'll be scarce on the online world. The wind may gust to 90 mph, though! Maybe an inside sale...

On other news, I got my Arizona learners permit yesterday! When I want my license, I troop down to the office, pay $25 to take the test, and it's good for 30 years.

Hi from mean ol' Wendy! ;-)

To see Heather as cowgirl, look at the pic on my blog.......

Wendy's Blog

Cute, huh? :-)

Wanted:

There's a difference between the detrimental material crap in this house, and beneficial material goods. For instance, this house is filled with knick-knacks. There are all sorts of angel doohickies, about 50 pounds worth of ceramic mugs of all shapes and inscriptions, decorative spoons, doilies, and enough plastic flowers to fill up the Grand Canyon at least halfway. Not much in this house is worth anything...Even though it cost a pretty penny when they bought it. The material things in here don't contribute to happiness or security...They just get in the way and collect dust.

I'm not saying they should eschew possessions and live in a cave. Some material things ARE good....But not the majority of things in this house. Think of the useful things they could have bought in lieu of that toy watering can filled with fake, dusty ivy sitting off to my left...Heck, they could have bought a real watering can and some plants to spruce up the place!

They (Suzanne and DICK) currently live on more than 60k a year. They owe thousands upon thousands of dollars more than they currently have. Pretty soon their home, car and most of their possessions will be gone, and all they'll be left with is mountains of debt.

I've made less then half of their current yearly income during my entire lifetime. What do I have to show for it? A house, totally paid for. A van, totally paid for. A year's worth of backpacking food, totally paid for. Lots of cool backpacking and other sports equipment, totally paid for. Tangible things, useful things...not boxes of knick knacks so ugly and useless that we haven't been able to sell them for 5 cents in a yard sale.


My current list of material wants:

A 1960's-70's era Chevrolet C-10 4x4 stepside long bed pick up truck

A couple hundred acres of land in Alaska, Montana or northern Arkansas to build a homestead on

A painted horse to graze and ride on the aforementioned land

A hunky, talented guy to do the dishes and other things


See the difference? My material wants are useful, practical things. I'm not likely to shove them onto a shelf to gather dust. They're things that I'll be appreciating every day.


Grrrrr. Arrrgg. I'm going to indulge in some therapy by hurling some knick knacks into the dumpster.

...Continued from below

Mom and I went on a roadtrip shortly after I wrote the entry previous to this. We've been needing frequent escapes the deeper we get into this whole mess. It's fun, though :-)

We got ourselves lost in a different National Forest this time. I turned up a rutted dirt FS road and found out we were in a wolf relocation area. There were sheep corrals everywhere, and a dead coyote near the gate of one of them. It must have been shot by a sheep rancher.

We were so high up in elevation that we bumped into snow again. There were patches of it everywhere amidst the towering ponderosa pines. It started to rain when we got back down to regular elevation (about 6,000 feet). The temp dipped down to 71 degrees, and I actually felt a little chilly. I tell you, it's rough out here. :-)

We mosied over to Home Depot again and picked up more things for the house. This place has never looked better! We're putting in a mini herb garden on one side of the front porch, and lots of flowers on the other. I finished putting in the new screen door this morning. It's such a relief to be able to *open* the door without resorting to shoving and cursing to get out. One touch, and the door pops open. Ahhhh...

So anyhoo, back to my rant. My grandmother is nuts.

It's a good thing I've never felt related to her, or I'd be in tears. I'm starting to feel miffed about not being paid attention to, though. For instance....my 20th birthday was December 1st. My mom's stepmother sent me a card timed to arrive right on my birthday. Two weeks past and I still hadn't heard from my grandmother. My mom called her up and casually remarked on my recent birthday. I got a card in the mail a few days later...

While cleaning out this house, my mom and I have found piles of correspondence between Suzanne and tons of other people. She sends them cards, writes them letters longer then "Dear Wendy. Love Mom" and her email folders burgeon with lengthily correspondence. We know she pays attention to other people...Why not my mother and I?

When the docs were telling my mom she was going to die earlier this year, she told Suzanne about it. The next phone call my mom made to her, she didn't even remember.

I can be an egotistical, self serving snot sometimes, but at least I'm angelic the other 50% of the time. :-)

Material Stuff

Sorting through the mounds of the total junk in this house has really had an effect on mom and I. It's therapuetic for us to see something, go "That's junk" and throw it out. It's also very exasperating to see what her mom has spent her time, money and attention on over the years.

Growing up, my mom only had a few pieces of ill-fitting clothes. Meanwhile, her mother would go out and buy new things for herself, literally every day. Suzanne pretty much ignored my mother (Wendy) all of her life.

My Mom has always sent her letters and called, but Suzanne rarely has. Once mom complained that she never got a real letter from her mom, so Suzanne wrote at the top of a legal pad sheet, "Dear Wendy," and at the very bottom, "Love Mom".

My mom became disabled at a young age and ever since then has lived on a pitance. When I was young, mom tried to support her and I on $300 a month. When I was older, her income increased to a whopping $600 a month. Suzanne has never offered to help out. Once my Mom asked her for $100 to help her move into college. She never got any help. Meanwhile, Suzanne was living on more than $100,000 a year at the time.

With all that money to spend, you'd think they'd have something tangible to show for it. Nope. They're in debt up to their eyeballs. They refinanced this house when they were only a year away from paying it off. They pissed away the money, and now owe more on the house then it's worth. They recently traded in their 2000 Camry that was a year from being paid off, got $1,200 for it in exchange for entering into a 7-year contract for a $25,000 car that when the finace charges are computed, will have them owing $52,000.

Mom has been getting their finances in order, finding her mom and Dick homes to live in, selling everything in the house, putting the house and car up for sale, helping out in any way she can, etc. When my Mom asked her mom how many credit cards she owned, Suzanne said "I don't know". When she asked how much debt Suzanne was in, she replied "I have no idea"

To Be Continued...

We played hooky

Mom looked up at me from her perch on the computer chair. "I want to excape" she said furtively. We looked around outside to make sure nobody was coming, then quickly got into the car and drove away. It felt so good to be away from everybody's beck and call! For the past week, only a few minutes would pass in between people calling or knocking on the door. The yard sale on Saturday really wore us out, too.

I got us lost on some dirt roads in the nearby National Forest. We passed quite a few ranches and mini homesteads and only saw a few cars. We popped back out onto pavement and found ourselves near Pinetop-Lakeside, a fairly good sized town. We then drove to Show Lo and picked up some things at Home Depot.

The screen door on this house is impossible. It's bent all to heck, pieces are falling out of it, and you really have to yank to get it open. We sprung for a $88 storm/screen door. We also picked up some pansies, rosemary, calendula, nice yellow flowers of some variety, chives and a small pot of basil. We already have primer and paint for the front porch. This place is going to look a million times better!

While we were out, I splurged on something for myself. I bought a cowboy hat. :-) It's black with a black hatband that has small silver studs and intervals of brown leather strips wrapped around it. With the black leather cowboy boots I found laying around this house, I'm now ready to run off and join a ranch. :-)

In other news, we recieved the newsletter from the nursing home my grandmother will be moving to permanantly. An excerpt from it:

Gentle Reminder
Recently some concern has been expressed about the motorized scooters used on the property. If you drive a motorized scooter, please be mindful of others. We have had complaints of residents being run off the sidewalks and almost run over in the rec room because of excessive scooter speed.
Your understanding and cooperation in this situation will be greatly appreciated. Thanks!

We went to see Dick in his nursing home yesterday. He was acting like his grumpy old self. He swore, shouted, and was very irate. They have him on 5 times the normal dose of sedation just to keep him managable. You can tell he's really going downhill fast. Last time we were there, he remembered who we were. This time, he had no clue. He's making less and less sense as time goes on. The only thing he's sure about is that he wants to escape.

As we went to leave, the nurse came out to say goodbye. In the time that she did that, Dick slipped out the back door and made it about 30 feet over lava rocks in just socks. (They took away his shoes so he can't make it too far when he does manage to get loose). I saw him in the rear view mirror, so I stopped the car and went to lead him back inside. When the nurse had him 10 feet from the door, he asked "Are the people who came to see me gone?" She said yes. I was standing right there and he didn't even realize that it was I who had just been in there visiting him.

I hope that when it's my time to go, I fall off a cliff into a solid bed of limestone. Something quick and relatively painless. Alzheimers sure seems like a sucky way to go.

Wing 9 rules!

I finally got around to checking my email, and found a sweet letter from John, my RA back at Loring Job Corps. John is the best RA that has ever been there and probably ever will be. John rocks! He's a total sweetheart, too.

Anyhoo, I've been sporadically sending wing 9 postcards. (I just realized I have a backlog of three postcards and a letter sitting in the glovebox of the van...oops!) I promise I'll mail them soon! They've been checking my blog, so I figured I should squeeze in the time to write something.

Today we had our first yard sale. We've been here at my grandmothers for exactly one week. She just had to go into a nursing home, so we're here to sell every last thing in the house, the house itself, and her car. I'm beat. It was 85 degees out today. I carried 95% of the stuff out of the house until help arrived in the form of my aunt, her two kids and husband. I had to eat a couple of creamsicles just to stay alive. :-) We've rented a 20 cubic yard dumpster. What we can't sell, goes in there. It's good for up to 5 tons. The sad thing is, we've only been here a week and it's almost half full.

The past week has been a blur of cleaning. This house is a hellhole. You would not believe the amount of pure crap that resides here. We literally had to carve a path to walk through the house....there was just so much junk, you struggled to find a piece of bare ground.

Speaking of crap....I've gone through 3 pairs of heavy durty gloves and about a gallon each of ammonia and bleach cleaning up the place. My grandmother's husband (Dick) is incontinent. When we got here, there were dirty old people diapers all over the house, and shit smeared across the entire toilet bowl, lid and base, shit in the shower, on the floor, etc.... I had to tackle that the first few hours. It was vile. Pardon my french, but it really was quite disgusting. Dick is now in a home and is being well taken care of. He has Alzheimers and has to be locked in, unfortunately.

Upcoming projects include painting the water-stained ceiling, shampooing and vacuuming the entire house, installing a new screen door, painting the front porch and a myriad of other things. Mom and I have been working every day from 7am until late (sometimes midnight) at night. It's one way to burn off the calories! We have another yard sale next weekend - in fact, every weekend until everything is sold.

I told mom that when we're finished here, I'm running off to be a cowgirl. I figure ranchwork is way easier than what we've been doing here :-) Seriously though, it's always been something I wanted to do. I grew up on a vegetable farm, now I want to get into cows. A big part of it is the allure of riding a horse, wearing cowboy boots and a suave hat. :-)

Gotta go, more work calls. I'll try to update semi-regularly now. The first week was a blur. It has to calm down a little now, right?

Now that Heather is back.....

Now that Heather is back, I'll try to keep my opinions on my own blog.....

Wendy Speaks....

I drove to northern Maine and snatched Heather away from Job Corps. What I saw there was worse than my wildest imagination scenarios. I must have told Heather a hundred times that I was amazed she had stayed and stuck it out. I was proud of her for trying to make the best of a bad situation!!!!

I got to Heather's dorm at 9:30 pm. I went to the security office and the guy got on his walkie talkie and asked the RA to bring down "HM". When Heather got in the office, I hugged and kissed her good ;-) Then we went up to her room. I was extra wimpy after the long ride and was leaning heavily on my cane. They let me go up the elevator.

Keep in mind that this school is on the old Loring Air Force Base. The dorm was made of cement blocks and the hallways must have been constructed narrowly to double as bunkers in case of attack. Certainly two of me could not fit down the hall side by side ;-) It was creepy!

The hallways were full of aimless youth who looked bored out of their skulls. I could see why they were roaming the halls after seeing their tiny rooms. There's not much space to just BE and relax. Some kids were flopped in a darkened TV room, some were around the only computer. It was not internet capable and could only be used to play mindless games. I started feeling trapped and institutionalized right away.

With the door to Heather and her roommate Sarah's room closed, very little sound was cut off. It was like living in an airport flight path....the rumbles, yells and rollerblading kids was non-stop. Even by 11 pm, the noise was LOUD!

I went out to the parking lot and slept in my van. Temps were around zero with a 25 mph wind. Can you say brrrrrrrrrrrrrr?? Luckily I had Zeke dog to cuddle up with, but he was only good for one side! I put on 2 fleece jackets, a hood and sweat pants and slept relatively well until Heather bounced in to the van after breakfast. I was very brave. I got out of the warm bed and put on clean clothes.

I asked Heather if I could come to class with her and she got permission. Then she realized it was the day of her 60 day luncheon and got permission for me to go to that, too. I enjoyed the part of the day that was truly class. A ranger came in to finish up his week long class on wildland fire supression. Since I went to college for forestry, it was all very interesting to me. I thought he was a great speaker with some interesting tapes and presentations. Afterwards, the kids practiced getting under fire shelters.

The dismaying parts of the day were "class". Kids need to be in their assigned rooms at 8 am. Once they get there, anything goes. They pretty much sit around and talk, fool around, look at catalogs and nap. This is exactly how Heather had been describing it for weeks. I had hoped she was exagerating ;-)

No guidance, no "teaching", nothing at all motivating, educational or inspiring. That was contrasted by the gear room!!! That place was amazing! Closets full and piles of fantastic gear for skiing, snowshoeing, kayaking, white water rafting, camping, backpacking, etc. I was drooling ;-p Too bad they hardly use the stuff! That would be the highlight and crowning glory of this program. Bummer ;-(

At lunch we got pizza and chicken wings. I had seafood pizza which was pretty good ;-) A bunch of "officials" stood up and addressed the half dozen kids who made it to their 60 day luncheon. I was mostly appalled and disturbed by what they had to say. From my point of view, they were intent on churning out nice little consumers who would go on to earn and spend money, but not necessarily have good or rewarding lives. Sigh........ When it was Heather's turn to get her award and speak, she was disgusted, so just said she had already built her own house and was making $22 an hour when she went in there. Snicker....snicker...snicker.....

So....enough about Job Corps. I hope that's it. Heather tried getting a leave of absence or time off for a job and that didn't work out. She just left.

As fate would have it, I got a phone call while in Maine that my mom is in the hospital, awaiting open heart surgery. That was totally unexpected! She is scheduled for a triple by-pass. We may or may not try to get to Arizona to see her. We'll see.

Job Corps Blues.....

It's amazing how many emails a day I get about Heather's Job Corps experiences! Seems people have plenty of opinions. If you have some opinions you just need to get off your chest, write to me at wsm311@aol.com

One interesting reaction I get is to Job Corp's mission to serve "at risk" youth. Here's what their web page says.....

Job Corps is the nation's largest and most comprehensive residential, education and job training program for at-risk youth, ages 16 through 24. Since its inauguration in 1964, under the Economic Opportunity Act, Job Corps has provided more than 2 million disadvantaged young people with the integrated academic, vocational, and social skills training they need to gain independence and get quality, long-term jobs or further their education.

Read that? ECONOMIC opportunity. I get $600/month disability because I have myasthenia gravis and lupus. That puts us squarely under the umbrella of "at risk". I don't have any money. I could not send Heather to college. Ideally a school like this is a great place for a kid like mine to go.

They say the students can work at their own pace. Heather finished up her level A paperwork very quickly. She also did it all for the NEXT level and handed it in. The level A teacher has been putting off one or two hours worth of clinics for weeks. As soon as the teacher lets Heather do this, she can progress to the next level. I'm wondering now if there is some sort of financial reason for the Job Corps or the teacher to hold her back?

I'm waiting one more week and then I'm getting mean. I've repeatedly written letters to the center director. I know he reads them as Heather has talked to him. He hasn't written back to me, though.

Just as when I had a foreign exchange student at our house and needed help with INS and the time I applied for disability, the best way to get help is to talk to congressmen. I guess that's my next step with Job Corps.

Hopefully they will let Heather finish level A next week. Otherwise I call in the cavalry. Government is supposed to serve ***US***.

The good news is that Heather got such good evaluations that she skipped over a step and is now in "silver phase". I think that means she gets a $50 bonus, a water bottle and a later bedtime ;-)

Heather is funny on the phone ;-)

Tonight I talked to Heather. I continue to torture her by telling her each gourmet delight that I cook. She holds the phone away from her ear, chants and makes rude noises to block it out. She then goes on to tell me what she ate. Tonight it was 10 year old canned ravioli scraped from the bottom of a rusty can ;-) I bet it wasn't *that* bad ;-) Snicker....snicker.....

Heather thinks for certifications, they should add millionaire. Ski patrol has never been offered, yet they hold out the possibility by putting it under certifications. The way you go about getting it is to work at the local ski area and hope they train you. It has nothing to do with Job Corps. Hmmmmm.....so why should you go to school there to begin with???

As for Millionaire, Heather says that theoretically she could go on to become one, so it should be listed as a possibility ;-)

I went through the list of certifications, searched online and wrote to some local groups. She can get them easier here at home. I sent her a bazillion links to cool outdoor jobs and internships right here in Vermont.

Heather could come home, live in her own house and do her thing.....as she was all along at her unschool university ;-)

http://www.homestead.com/peaceandcarrots/Orion.html

While I was talking to Heather, the RA walked by. Heather needed things from his office....like work slips and scissors. She's 20 years old, is not allowed to use a knife or scissors!!! They have to be borrowed from the RA....and used under supervision. Whoa..... I hope it's not so dangerous there that a berserk kid might suddenly grab them and go on a rampage! This is school....not reform school or jail.

I'm worried about my kid!!!!! She sounds more confused and brain dead every day. Is it the food? The rules? The mind-numbing mediocrity?

Today Heather looked through the yellow pages and decided to try the Unitarian church. I think it was a good choice and cheered her up. My favorite is always the coffee HOUR afterwards ;-)

So....please think good thoughts and send Heather some energy. This week she learns about Wildland fires and tries to deal with the administration about her continuing frustrations and issues.

What is REALLY offered??????

Oh, oh.....Heather is pretty darn upset again. The certifications offered by Job Corps were the #1 reason for her to go there. Now she has found out that they don't really offer what they say and for the ones you CAN take, most you have to pay for. Here's something copied directly from The Loring Job Corps web site.......

Recreation Certifications & Trainings Offered:


ADVANCED FIRST AID

CPR FOR THE PROFESSIONAL RESCUER

HEARTSAVER CPR

ANAPHYLAXIS WORKSHOP

WILDERNESS ADVANCED FIRST AID

EMT-B

COMMUNITY WATER SAFETY

LIFEGUARDING

LIFEGUARDING INSTRUCTOR

WSI

S-130/S-190 WILDLAND FIRE

REGISTERED MAINE RECREATION GUIDE

REGISTERED MAINE WHITEWATER GUIDE

SKIING INSTRUCTOR

NATIONAL SKI PATROL

ROPES COURSE FACILITATING

http://www.ljcc.org/outdoor_recreation.html

======================

Heather pinned down an OR teacher to discover some of these have NEVER been offered and some are offered no longer. The training and certification page seems to be a big sham.

Is Heather upset???? BIG TIME!!!!

We just talked more than an hour. Heather is back to feeling like she is wasting her time. This next week she does Wildland Fire and is looking forward to that. When that's done, there's not much offered until kayak season. This is a huge bummer!

Is it legal to advertise courses that aren't even offered? Now the question becomes....do we become rabble rousers and make things happen? Or give up Job Corps and find a better way to do this?

The reality of Job Corps

Some folks have written to ask me what it's like. Maybe Heather can add to this.

Every time you go off center and come back, your bags are checked and purchases looked through. There are many things you are not allowed to have or buy. Each day there is room inspection. Your bed needs to be made and room clean. You have a big locker and must keep anything of value in it and locked away. From early morning to 4 pm, you are locked out of your room. You had better remember to take it all with you.

Sometimes trips are scheduled, but the kids don't know what kind of trip. If you go prepared for skiing and it's a snowshoe trip.....tough luck....you can't get back in your room for the snowshoes.

Yup....the food is free if you go to the cafeteria. Too bad they aren't fond of fresh fruits and vegetables ;-( You had better think tater tots are gourmet fare.

To use a phone, you have to be able to catch an RA on duty and not busy. You make the call in their room among noise, kids going in and out, etc....

Want to go off center? You have to sign out. If you want to spend the weekend away you need to arrange permission ahead of time.

Sometimes this all seems worth it to go to school "free".....sometimes free seems expensive in other ways.

Heather's mom speaks again.....

We were pretty disgusted with Job Corps, but there may still be some hope. Heather had a talk with the center director today to express some of her concerns and frustrations. Perhaps it made a difference. We will see.

I have been deluged by people telling me that Heather does not belong at Job Corps and I should yank her out. We will see.

The advantages of school are....ski trips, snowboarding, roller blading, ice skating, rock climbing, rafting, kayaking, canoeing, etc.... There are also supposed to be a bunch of certifications available such as firefighter, Maine guide, EMT, etc.....

The disadvantages of this school include.....prison-like atmosphere, crummy food, restrictive rules, very little computer access, broken telephones, lack of communication, way too much status quo instead of innovation, etc....

I think some of the teachers and others could benefit by learning to be motivated and upbeat. Some are snoring along, providing very little initiative or leadership.

Ugh.....all the reasons Heather was unschooled to begin with. If she had made her snowshoes, kayak or built her house under this system, she wouldn't even have started yet. Forget about having it all done by 18 years old!!!! Stifle, stifle, stifle......

It's tough being a long-distance mother. I wish I could SEE Heather to interpret her body language and eyes. All I can do from here is guess. Heather is sooooo frustrated, but has a beam of hope that things will progress and get better. We will see.

Fun at school

Weeeeeeeeee!! School is fun :-)

I've been downhill skiing, snowboarding, ice skating and rollerblading within the past week. All of them are related to my vocation and some of them are requirements. Today they had to cancel the cross country skiing unfortunately. There's always next week though!

I'm learning to be a good little suck up. I just learned that although I was only on wing 10 (the newbie wing) for 8 days, I was the student of the month. I have a certificate coming to me for that one. :-)

I've been getting perfect room scores evepretty much every day. If I keep it up, I could get room of the month for wing 9. I then get a certificate and a little perk gift. This place is very into incentives. As soon as I complete level A, I get a few more perks, including a Rec Works water bottle.

I'm trying to be extra extra good, so I can skip blue phase and go directly to silver phase when my teachers evaluate me in a week or so. Silver phase allows me to have a later bedtime and a few other perks. I'm gunning for silver phase so I can start my application rolling for the onsite apartments. You have to be on silver before you can apply. Once into the apartments, I'd have my own computer with internet access in my room. As it is now, I only have access to computers during certian portions of the school day.

Being in the apartments has other perks, such as being able to cook your own food. The food down at the cafeteria is kinda gross. Not only is it institutional food, but it's federal government food. Who knows what they do to it back behind the kitchen walls...

Time to get back to school work. :-)