Tuesday, October 07, 2003

Full Disclosure

It may suprise you to learn that I'm a very private person. I'm not much of a talker in real life. It drives my mom crazy - she says I'm too much like her sister, Liz. Apparently we don't volunteer information - you have to pry it out of us.

Although most of my life is on the web, I do leave out a lot. Take my recent trip to Maine...

I was depressed and cried a lot the first week. I spent a lot of time reading the book Motherless Daughters, hoping it might have some advice on how to cope with the possibility beforehand, to stop worrying. It only made me more depressed. Stupid book. I was also aggravated by the whole court fiasco that I had to deal with because of Michael. Replaying the court scenes in my head only depressed and pissed me off even more. Stupid court system.

I make great miles when I hike mad. Mountain? What mountain? I actually paid a couple of bucks for somebody to slack pack me 10 miles. It was kind of neat not to have mom be the one doing it.

The town of Andover was the first place I had paid to stay in indoor accomodations. There were a lot of firsts on this trip...first time I took Zeke on an overnight. First time I hiked topless. (It was hot, and no shirt was heavenly!) First time I did 3 miles in a day and felt totally beat. First time I intentionally night hiked. First time I blue blazed to get somewhere quicker. And at Shaw's Boarding House, the first time a guy got down on bended knee and asked me to marry him. (Jokingly, of course)

Why am I suddenly pontificating about everything to do with my life? Well, I'm trying to become more comfortable with letting people see every side of me...to be comfortable talking, to not hold back when I really don't have to.

Michael was the first person I had ever met whom I could talk to about literally everything and anything, with no qualms. We talked about everything from the viscosity of snot to theories on why the Pope exists. He was fun to debate with. But as we all know, Michael turned out to be a horrible, abusive bastard who will eventually get the come-uppins he so richly deserves.

I'm tired of being on guard. I want to trust again. I just wish I would stop getting hate mail when I do post my true thoughts. The fan mail is nice. Thank you.

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